I grew up in a dysfunctional environment. My mother tends to be very controlling, which makes her
appear very self-assured, as if she always knows much more than she actually
When I was 17, she told me how my paternal grandparents were ashamed of
me for the way I acted, and how they hated me.
She didnít give details, but the certainty in her voice made it clear
to me that she must be telling the truth.
This broke my heart, because I adored my grandparents.
Yet, I never could say anything to them about what my mother said.
For some reason, I felt if I asked them, I would be betraying my
mother. Instead, within another
year or so, I quietly drifted out of my grandparentsí lives.
years later, my husband suggested I contact my Granddad (my Grandmom had died
four years prior). I couldnít
summon the courage to do so. But,
after he and one of my aunts continued to strongly suggest I write my
Granddad, and after much prayer on my part, I finally gave in and wrote him a
brief letter. He asked me to come
to his house shortly after, and I did.
I was greeted with a big bear hug, and lots of ďI love youís.Ē
It almost was as if no time had passed since our last visit.
From that day on, we visited frequently, went out to lunch together,
and sent frequent emails. Our
relationship never had been better. As
a child, I was shy, and always had a sense that I couldnít be too close to
my motherís in-laws, my dadís family.
As a result, I always kept a slight distance.
As an adult however, that had all changed.
My Granddad became more than just my grandfather- he was a dear friend,
my own personal cheerleader, a confidant, an advisor and the one who often
reminded me I deserved the best. His
death three years later, in 2003, was devastating- it is difficult enough to
lose a grandparent, but losing one who is all those things is even harder.
In spite of the pain of my loss, however, I still treasure those three
years I had with him. Those years gave me some memories I always will cherish.
If you are reading this and thinking that you wish you also could have
a happy reconciliation, rest assured you can.
Not all reconciliations are this positive, in all honesty.
But, if you make the effort on your end to be honest, sensitive and
understanding, you drastically increase the chance of making your
reconciliation a happy one!
If you are considering contacting someone you havenít seen in a long
time, I encourage you first to pray- ask God if it is His will for you to do
this. If so, how?
Would a letter be best? A
phone call? And, donít forget to ask God to give you the right words
and the courage to say whatever needs to be said.
If the relationship died because of something you did, apologize!
Saying, ďIím sorryĒ can heal the deepest wounds, when sincerely
said. Also, be honest about what
you may have done wrong. And, try
to see things from the other personís perspective- it may shed a whole new
light on the situation for you!
I pray God will show everyone reading this article exactly what you
need to do, how to do it, and I also pray He will give you favor with the one
with whom you wish to reconcile. God