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God The Reconciler

By Cynthia Bailey-Rug

 

  I grew up in a dysfunctional environment.  My mother tends to be very controlling, which makes her appear very self-assured, as if she always knows much more than she actually does. 

  When I was 17, she told me how my paternal grandparents were ashamed of me for the way I acted, and how they hated me.  She didn’t give details, but the certainty in her voice made it clear to me that she must be telling the truth.  This broke my heart, because I adored my grandparents.  Yet, I never could say anything to them about what my mother said.  For some reason, I felt if I asked them, I would be betraying my mother.  Instead, within another year or so, I quietly drifted out of my grandparents’ lives. 

  About ten years later, my husband suggested I contact my Granddad (my Grandmom had died four years prior).  I couldn’t summon the courage to do so.  But, after he and one of my aunts continued to strongly suggest I write my Granddad, and after much prayer on my part, I finally gave in and wrote him a brief letter.  He asked me to come to his house shortly after, and I did. 

  I was greeted with a big bear hug, and lots of “I love you’s.”  It almost was as if no time had passed since our last visit.  From that day on, we visited frequently, went out to lunch together, and sent frequent emails.  Our relationship never had been better.  As a child, I was shy, and always had a sense that I couldn’t be too close to my mother’s in-laws, my dad’s family.  As a result, I always kept a slight distance.  As an adult however, that had all changed.  My Granddad became more than just my grandfather- he was a dear friend, my own personal cheerleader, a confidant, an advisor and the one who often reminded me I deserved the best.  His death three years later, in 2003, was devastating- it is difficult enough to lose a grandparent, but losing one who is all those things is even harder.  In spite of the pain of my loss, however, I still treasure those three years I had with him.  Those years gave me some memories I always will cherish.

  If you are reading this and thinking that you wish you also could have a happy reconciliation, rest assured you can.  Not all reconciliations are this positive, in all honesty.  But, if you make the effort on your end to be honest, sensitive and understanding, you drastically increase the chance of making your reconciliation a happy one!  

  If you are considering contacting someone you haven’t seen in a long time, I encourage you first to pray- ask God if it is His will for you to do this.  If so, how?  Would a letter be best?  A phone call?  And, don’t forget to ask God to give you the right words and the courage to say whatever needs to be said.  If the relationship died because of something you did, apologize!  Saying, “I’m sorry” can heal the deepest wounds, when sincerely said.  Also, be honest about what you may have done wrong.  And, try to see things from the other person’s perspective- it may shed a whole new light on the situation for you!

  I pray God will show everyone reading this article exactly what you need to do, how to do it, and I also pray He will give you favor with the one with whom you wish to reconcile.  God bless you!

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