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The Truth Shall Set You Free...

 

By Cynthia Bailey-Rug

 

 

John 8:32  "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  (NIV)

 

  Recently, my husband and I had a disagreement.  I felt he should have offered me emotional support when he didn't, and I yelled at him for not being there for me.  Not exactly my proudest moment as a wife.  Anyway, later in the evening after my yelling, God began to get my attention.  He reminded me of how badly I acted earlier in the day towards my husband.  How hateful and spoiled I had acted.  I saw myself through my husband's eyes, and I didn't like what I saw.  I cried and repented.  But, that wasn't the really amazing part...

  After I repented of my actions, God reminded me of something very important in dealing with disagreements in relationships.  (Any relationship, not only marriage).  When I first felt angry that my husband wasn't supportive enough, instead of flying off the handle, I should have gotten in prayer.  The situation wasn't terribly serious, so I should have asked God why was I reacting this way?  What triggered this unjustifiable anger?  What was the truth in this situation?  So, better late than never, I did ask God these questions.  He reminded me that in my life, I have not been able to depend on many people for emotional support.  In fact, more often than not, I was the one who people depended on for support without offering any in return during my times of need.  I was angry about feeling as if I always had to be "the strong one," so I took that anger out on my husband!  I cannot put into words how deeply this affected me!  My anger at him was suddenly put into perspective- yes, it would have been nice if he would have been there for me, but he wasn't.  I handled the situation fine without his assistance, no harm done. 

  So now what to do with this knowledge, I wondered.

  First, I repented (again).  I told God how sorry I was for unfairly taking anger out on my husband.  Then, I asked God for more truth- was it really necessary for me always to be available to these people?  He said no- that is His job, and if I am not up to the task, then I need to set (and enforce) boundaries.  I felt a weight lift off my shoulders immediately!  I was also able to release that anger at those who had relied on me so much.  I didn't tell them no, so I allowed them to use me!  How could I be angry at them when I was partly responsible for their mistreatment of me?  Then, I apologized to my husband and explained what God showed me.  He forgave me immediately, I am happy to say. 

  As much as I detest disagreements, I am glad this one happened.  It reminded me of important steps to take when there are disagreements in relationships:

 

  1- Before reacting, take a moment to get alone with God.  Ask questions like, "Why am I reacting so strongly?  Is there a deeper issue?  What is the truth?"

  2- Listen for an answer.  God doesn't always speak in obvious ways, He may bring memories to the surface, or speak to you through a song, someone on television, or even a book.  However He chooses to speak to you, you will know in your heart it is Him.

  3- Repent of any bad behavior on your part to God, and ask Him to help you change so you don't do it again.

  4- Ask for forgiveness from the other person.  In the story I mentioned above, I told my husband that I was sorry for how I spoke to him, but not for what I said.  You have a right to make your feelings known, but not in an abusive way.  Yelling was not appropriate, but telling him I need his support sometimes was.

 

  I pray this information blesses you like it has me!

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